It Gets Better: My “real” version

Last week I posted a script for an “It gets better” video as I imagined it could be presented by someone representing the position on homosexuality taken by so many who perceive themselves to take a traditional view. I pointed out in the thread beneath it what I thought was wrong with it. Below is an “it gets better” statement as I might really do it, with words addressed to a young gay Orthodox Christian person:

If you’re a young Orthodox Christian coming to understand yourself to be gay, and if you think that revealing that aspect of yourself to others would create discomfort, fear, or even danger, you might be tempted to fall into despair, thinking there’s no way out of your situation and no one to share it with. The main thing for you to understand is that it does get better. All the other “it gets better” videos you’ve seen are right: hang on; if your situation is intolerable, be as reticent as you need to be; develop your strengths and interests, and within a few years, you’ll find a way to move into a situation—in a different geographical location if necessary–where there are others like you and where the ones who aren’t like you won’t care that you aren’t. It’s as simple as that.

Whether it gets better or not for you in the Orthodox church is not quite so simple a matter.

Part of the problem is that our church in general hasn’t honestly dealt with issue of homosexuality yet, and there are a confusing range of attitudes about it that you might encounter, coming from your family, the people in your parish, or your priest. You’ll have to evaluate your sexuality in light of these differing opinions (including the view that says there can be no differing opinions and there is no issue to deal with) and make an effort at finding a place of honesty before God in the context of it all. It’s challenging, and you’re young, so give yourself time, be guarded about whom you reveal yourself to and discuss this with. If your parish priest tells you something like, “You’re not gay, there is no such thing,” or “You are required to live a life of celibacy,” or “Just get married and everything will be OK,” you need to recognize that his attitude, whether he likes it or not, is not shared by all clergy (and certainly not by all laypeople). There are a fairly large number of priests who have come to believe that everyone who has set him or herself on the path toward God in our church should properly be in communion with everyone else who has, and that that includes gay people in general, including non-celibate gay people in relationships. Maybe you’ll be able to seek out one of the priests from this growing number for dialogue and support. And when you’re able to, you may be able to become a member of a parish that’s accepting in this way.

But however you come to terms with your sexuality, you’ll be doing it in a situation where your church is only just beginning to deal with it. The dialogue has barely begun. The Orthodox church comes to the dialogue on sexuality late, and the issue will almost inevitably create suffering and division. Even if you come to believe sincerely that your sexuality requires your celibacy and even if you embrace that joyfully, you won’t be able to avoid the conflict any more than any other Orthodox Christian will.

It’s more likely that, with prayer and a sincere effort at honesty before God, you’ll come to understand that your being gay isn’t inherently sinful and that gay sexual relations aren’t necessarily sinful either. Your intuition about this, based on your own experience and supported by new understandings about sexuality in our time, is completely valid and should reasonably challenge the church’s perceived traditional teachings. The church has nothing to fear from this challenge–Holy Tradition will always stand up to a challenge. And you’ve got nothing to fear either, if you approach the challenge with prayer and an aspiration to humility, with a willingness to listen to the other side, and with a willingness at every moment to repent: It’s only possible to stand fast to the truth if you’re open to changing your own mind and heart as you’re given the grace to do so.

So, does it really “get better” in the Orthodox Church? Yes and no. To me, it seems that, ultimately, there’s nothing to get better. The glory of Christ is unaffected by any conflict we experience among each other in regard to theology, morality, or the institutional aspect of the body of Christ. Nothing can separate us from it, as St. Paul said. It’s essential to remember that any conflict we experience, any suffering we encounter in standing up against falsehood is fairly irrelevant in the face of the of truth we’ve experienced in the person of Christ. Yes, we can work to bring about necessary changes in the church’s view, maybe we’re even in honesty compelled to, but even if that effort is derailed, there’s not much need to be disappointed. The Truth is ultimately unconquerable. The path in God’s eternal direction is before us at every moment. To set oneself on that path is the most important thing there is, and no one can exclude you from it, even though some may try to claim they can. What could be better than that?